Ethical versus Moral

What means more to you, morals or ethics? The word morality leaves a a bad taste in my mouth, like a sweet wine with religiously rooted oppressive undertones. However a co-worker advised that morality is not a distasteful word to her. She thinks of it as simply "right and wrong". To me the word moral has a sense of judgement attached to it while "ethical" feels broader, more inclusive.  Perhaps because morals are so personal, hence people use the term "immoral" to describe behavior that does not match their own personal belief. Social ethics include an appreciation of individual rights and allowing for differences. A main focus of ethics is acceptance of deviation, so long as the deviation does not infringe on the rights of others. Ethics can be appplied to a popluation or society, I see ethics as a way to temper religiosity, racism, sexism, and bigotry by holding societal standards of treatment for all people. The term ethical and ethics usually is applied to considerations about rights and privileges as opposed to morality, which is typically used to value behaviors. Ethical feels logical, Moral feels emotional.

Gay Does NOT = Pedophile

"I always thought he was gay. He was real effeminine. Then when it came out that he had been touching all those boys at school, I wasn't surprised." "What?" I said. She continued, "You know cause he was real effeminine. He was gay and he was touching all these kids." Me: Silently horrified and furious, gets up and leaves office.

This is a converstaion that i had on Tuesday, with a new intern at work. She was telling me about a teacher she had in middle school that was a child molester. Because he was effeminate she assumed he was gay, and apparently the fact that he was a peodphile really sealed the deal for her that he was, in fact, queer. This reasoning brought up some seriously fuming anger in me for several reasons.

1. Some people believe that child molesters who abuse same sex children are gay. When exhaustive research shows that most molesters, even the ones who abuse same sex children consider themselves straight, and also have sexual relationships with opposite sex adults.

2. When speaking about the same sex marriage issue, often aruged is "Well when are we going to let people marry children or animals?" As if animals or children are capable of making adult decisions about marriage, and constitute two consenting adults. THESE COMPARISONS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER.

3. People will defend folks who make these statements by saying things like, "Well she didn't mean anything by it." or "He is just ignorant." THEN DON"T FUCING TALK ABOUT SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

4. People make the assumption that everyone else is straight when having conversations. Being gay is different than being in some other minority groups, because folks don't assume your gayness as they would identify, in most cases a black person as "black", or a woman as "female". So often there are a lot of comments made without respect or consideration of someone's sexual identity. I see this and hear this all the time, and i work in a progressive and liberally minded environment.

Dream and Death

So last night i drift off around 100. And i have this nightmare that my roomate's ex-girlfriend is decorating my bedroom. it is the third time that i have had this dream in the last week. She is taking down all of my photos and putting up frames with the demo photos still in them. and she is telling me about them like she knows the people in the photos, though clearly she doesn't. i keep asking her to stop but she just ignores me, hums and continues along. also, i am laying in the bed under the covers, naked. and i am paralyzed.

Then i woke up, around 3, to a phone call from my dad. I was incoherent and didn't answer, but i checked the message. His dog,the 16 YO cocker spaniel, molly was rolling around and crying. she had been in this state for maybe 3 days, and now wouldn't stop crying. She has some kind of heart condition and had probably had a stroke. She was in total misery and he felt really bad and didn't know what to do for her. Poor dad was just crying like a little boy. he felt the humane thing to do was to kill her and end her suffering. so he had called me to help him strategize the best, quickest method to end her life... AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

normally, i answer these freaky calls from my dad, be they about a breakup, a threesome, or an emergency animal execution. but last night i drew the line, set a boundary. i felt really sad for him, being in this predicament, but i felt for once, that it was not my responsibility. of course then i laid there for like another hour thinking what he should do.

this morning i called him to see how he handled it, and he seemed ok. He took her out with a sharp blow of a hammer. it sounds viscious and cruel, but it wasn't. my father has such a loving bond with animals, i'm sure he did what felt kindest. i have always respected his willingness to embrace love, and to not shy away from death. he said that he sat with her for a couple of hours and held her and pet her and that she just kept looking at him and crying.

i came in to work this morning and discussed this with a co-worker. she asked, "Why didn't he take her to the ER vet to be put to sleep?" And i was like, "what's the difference?" That led to a discussion about death, humanity and brutality, and how removed we all strive to be from death.

Afghan women protest new law that allows marital rape

Another read-worthy news story. It amazes me that so many Americans think that women have equal rights and need to sit down and get over it already.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30223599

Great news

Follow this link for the great news that Iowa supreme court has shot down the ban on gay marriage. This makes Iowa the third state to legalize gay marriange! (Wouid be 4 if not for the goddamned Prop 8 in California).
Seriously??? Iowa? Wow!
All the married queers out there need to think about challenging their own states non-recognition and ban on our marriages. If enough couples take this on at their state supreme court level, imagine what could happen across the nation!


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30027685

"corrective rape"

South Africa gangs using rape to 'cure' lesbians
Gay support group cites 10 new cases of 'corrective rape' a week in one city
( Reprinted from Reuters)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29676829

JOHANESSBURG - Gangs of South African men are raping lesbians in the belief it will "cure" the women's sexual orientation, an aid agency said Friday.
NGO ActionAid said in a report titled "Hate Crimes: the rise of corrective rape in South Africa" lesbians were increasingly at risk of rape, particularly in South African townships where homosexuality is largely taboo.
South Africa has one of the world's most progressive constitutions and became the first country in Africa to allow gay marriage in 2006, but homosexuality is still widely frowned upon and same-sex unions are often decried as "un-African."
The brutal rape and murder last year of female soccer player Eudy Simelane, a lesbian, threw a spotlight on homophobic violence, particularly toward women.
"We get insults every day, beatings if we walk alone, you are constantly reminded that you deserve to be raped," ActionAid quoted one lesbian as saying. "They yell, 'if I rape you then you will go straight, you will buy skirts and start to cook because you will have learnt how to be a real woman'."
Homophobic attacksOne lesbian and gay support group told ActionAid it was dealing with 10 new cases of lesbians being targeted for what it called "corrective rape" every week in Cape Town alone.
Thirty one lesbians have been reported murdered in homophobic attacks since 1998, but support groups say the actual number is probably much higher because crimes on the basis of sexual orientation are not recognized in the South African criminal justice system, ActionAid said.
Of the 31 cases, only two cases were brought to South African courts and there has been only one conviction. South Africa has one of the world highest rates of rape but activists say very few cases end in conviction, and women's groups say police and the justice system have failed to tackle the problem.
ActionAid estimates there are 500,000 rapes in South Africa every year.
It said the police were particularly reluctant to investigate crimes against lesbians and said support for survivors was inadequate.

Monogamy

Monogamy. For me, this is a really confusing and frustrating topic, especially when it inevitably comes up in my intimate relationships. It seems that women who are not interested in monogamy are a minority, whether gay or straight.
Simply put, I cannot imagine having sex with one person for the rest of my life, and I cannot imagine a partner doing that either, it just seems very unrealistic and frankly a bit boring and restrictive. In my mind, it somehow breaks the untamed and wild sprit of the person that attracted you to begin with.
I wonder, do most people REALLY want to be monogamous. or do they just act that way out of insecurity, fear, or societal expectations? I also wonder if it would even be possible for a couple, especially two women, to have a degree of openess in their relationship that would not be ultimately catastrophic.